Respect

"Made in the image of the Giver of life."

This simple line should sum up everyone's beliefs about respect. 

What is respect?  What does it mean to respect, both someone else as well as ourselves?  Respect is something that is given freely and has to be earned.  All matters of life and beliefs filter into one's perception of respecting another human being.

The simple thought is...we are all created in the image of God.  Plain and simple.  If we respect God, we should be able to see Him in all of those people surrounding us.  We should be able to respect them and their uniqueness because they are a reflection of our Heavenly Father.  They, in turn, should be able to look at us and see how we are a reflection of God.  We were created unique and individual while still remaining in the image of God.

Picture that...all of the people on this earth.  Billions and billions of people, each unique and diverse...this leads us to ponder what an amazing God we have.

If we are made in God's image, and our God is forever loving and forgiving, then we should be a reflection of that love.  We should be kind and caring, compassionate and willing to help our neighbors.  The world should be a reflection of love and not hate.  This leads to the song I posted just below.  Through Christ, all things are possible...

I Am New by Jason Gray...Initially when I  posted this song on my Facebook page, it was because of the brand new start I created for myself  by moving to another state.  Christ helped me with this physical and outward change, but He also did so much for me on the inside, especially in the past year since my engagement ended, and my life took a few drastic changes.

Basically, everything Christ has helped me through this past year was in an effort to help me respect myself better.  Most people don't see this side to respect; they only focus on how they treat others.  I try to see myself as how Christ would see me, and I try to see in what areas I am not respecting this life, this gift that God has given to me. 

After the engagement broke off, I had a low self esteem.  I won't deny it.  I was very very hurt.  A few months later and a couple more drastic turns to my life, and I officially started to see a therapist for depression.  I was listening to and accepting some very bad advice, and I developed a lack of respect for myself.  Add a new friendship and acting in ways other than I felt acceptable, and it took me almost a year for Christ to fully take my life and make me new.  I am finally feeling that long desired peace, and it is a wonderful feeling.

May you be able to sit back and focus on all of the good things that God has done for you.  Look and see how you have changed and become new as a result of a better relationship with God.  May God Bless you and Grant you peace.

~CV

Life's Calling

Happy St. Patrick's Day to all!  :D

http://www.ewtn.com/saintsHoly/saints/P/stpatrick.asp

Above is a link to a document, located on the Eternal Word Television Network website, telling you a little about a well known saint.  Most people in today's society only see today as a day to get drunk and pretend to be Irish.  I just wanted to share a little about the saint behind the day.

Now to the topic at hand...Life's Calling.

I just got off the phone with the state's department of education teaching credentials licensing office.  The lady on the phone was very knowledgeable, but she didn't really want to offer any direct help.  She sounded bored and like she just wanted to keep doing what she wanted to do rather than helping others.  It was very disappointing.

Eventually I got to the right screen on the website that told me if I want my two other states' licenses to be considered, I have to apply for my Texas credentials as well as pay $177!!!  I just paid $60 to obtain a professional license in my old state and now triple that here!  I don't have the money for this just now!  :(

I'm torn.  My college career was fantastic, but then a horrible student teaching placement and three let down experiences in both the public and private sectors...I don't know if God wants me to be a teacher.  I love working with children, but does that equate to me being a good teacher?

In life, I know it's not going to be easy.  God isn't going to have one set path and make it without its share of trials.  However, I also realize that God won't be throwing up major roadblocks either.  Is it just my personal decisions that led to not too happy placements, or is God trying to gently tell me that I'm not supposed to be a teacher?  If the latter is the case, then, what am I supposed to be doing in life?

This is where we have to pray for God to guide us.  God is the one with the plan for our lives.  When times are troubled and unsure, we must hit our knees to the ground and pray harder than ever before.  We must place our faith, our trust, in our Heavenly Father.  Now, more than ever, we have to place our trust in God.  He will help guide our lives to do His will.

One of my favorite songs by Kutless, What Faith Can Do.  I love this video, both for the song as well as the inspirational verses and thoughts.  I listened to the song once, then muted the video and replayed it just for the inspirational thoughts.  I love this video!  :D

This song made me sit back and think recently, Better than a Hallelujah by Amy Grant.  I had a really rough night on Monday, and the lyrics to this song kept flowing through my brain as I was praying to God and crying.  This is a truly lovely and inspirational song.

One last thought and then I'm done for the day.  I read a really amazing Catholic book recently, Asking God for the Gifts He Wants to Give You.  It is a really great book based around a prayer by St. Alphonus Liguori.  One section of this book really stuck out in regards to praying.  If you are feeling a sense of unease or unsure about what you are praying about, then it is probably not the right decision for you.  If, on the other hand, you feel at peace while you are praying on something...this may be what God is calling you to do.  :)  Go with your gut...it's how I made the decision to move in with my aunt and uncle, and I don't regret anything.

God Bless you all.

~CV

Gossip

So...I haven't been on recently because I have been away at a family wedding.  When I got back, I had to try to find the motivation to come back and write.  The motivation to get off my chest what has caused me problems sleeping.

The saying goes, "Don't judge lest ye be judged."  It's found in the Bible, and the only One with power to judge is our Heavenly Judge, God.  Why then, do we talk so much about other people?

Just now, I received a series of texts because I made a close friend frustrated.  Am I about to gossip to you?  No.  I learned my mistakes, and I promised this friend I would gossip no longer.  All in all, I hurt this friend because I talked to a couple of other friends about this friend, and word got back to him.  At least my friend has the guts to call me on it, so I can learn from my mistakes.

What have I learned over the course of this past weekend...Gossip is really wrong.  Positive as well as negative gossip...I thought I was only sharing news about other people I knew and loved and cared about.  Never realized it was gossip until I had a family member ask to not share information about them or their family.  That made me sit back and think.  Whose news is it to share?  Mine or that person's?  I have no right to share information, good or bad, about what is going on in that person's life.  They should be the one responsible for sharing news, good or bad.  I should not do that.

More of a wake up call was when my grandma called me about a "job offer" I had in another state, that I had before I moved here...it was a tenative placement and short term, 6 weeks.  No one reassured I was being considered until after I had moved.  Sigh...

I didn't tell my grandma, but my mom told her for me.  Then my grandma called asking why I didn't tell her...lol.  Oh what a tangled web we weave in life.  I have learned that the only one who should be talking about themselves is that person.  You shouldn't talk about anyone else.  Damage can be done, feelings can get hurt, people get alienated, friendships get ruined.

Another harsh lesson...if you listen to gossip, people assume you are contributing to it.  Therefore, you should ask the person to please stop once the gossip begins, so you are not privy or desiring to hear gossip.  The only way for gossip to stop is if everyone only shares information about themselves.  If you want to learn about someone else, ask that person, don't ask a friend or relative of theirs!  That way, nothing gets misconstrued or paints someone in a bad light.

This is all from a tired brain.  I haven't been sleeping well because of all the negative effects of gossip on my life.  Isn't that one reason I cited for stopping Facebook for Lent???

From now on, on this blog, I vow to focus only on myself.  I will not write about others, and I will not dare to judge another's actions as the only Being who can do that is God.  May you all learn a lesson from what I have said so as you do not have to learn the lesson the hard way, as I did.  You do not want to cry yourself to sleep for fear of losing a loved one due to gossip.  God Bless you all.

~CV

Hard Day's Night

Good morning!  :D

I got to sleep at 2:15 AM last night and woke up at 8:45 AM this morning to try to get ready for the day.  I ended up scheduling lunch at 12:30 PM with my grandmother and grandfather and talking to my sister on the phone for about half an hour or so, at least.  :)  I love talking to my sister, so this was a great way to start my day!  Thanks, girl!

I really didn't intend on updating this blog so much, but I had to find some way to distract me this morning.  Normally, I eat breakfast while surfing Facebook, so here I am instead.  I intend on giving up Facebook for Lent and following through with this log, so here I am yet again.  Lucky you! :D

Last night, I was able to chat with my sister and an amazing friend on Skype for three hours!  WOW!!  A new record for my new house I'm staying in.  I don't think I want to challenge the record of staying up all night on Skype and going about errands the next day, like I did at my old house.  I'll leave that old record at home.  LOL!

Did I mention how much I love Skype?  I can talk to my friend who's across the ocean, and I can hear that person as if they are sitting right next to me!  It's phenomenal!  A great way to keep in touch with friends and loved ones, no matter the distance.  Best part is...IT'S FREE!!!!!!!  I really had a great time chatting last night and sharing music.  A great way to relax after a hard day at work.

As I sit here this morning, I am astounded at how at peace I am with life right now.  My life has had ups and downs for the past almost two years.  I haven't really been at peace for very long during those two years.  My life has been one heck of a rollercoaster.  Everything about my life has been turned upside down and right side up; twisted and turned until I wasn't sure which way was up until now.

Sure, there are still uncertainties about whether I'll find a teaching job for next year, but I am fortunate to have a job right now at all.  I am teaching people in a retail setting about how to care for pets, and I'm having a lot of fun.  It pays the bills, and that's all that matters right now.  It feels as if a huge weight has been lifted off my heart, and I am trying to search to see the reasoning behind such a feeling.  Certainly, there is a personal reason as to why this weight has been lifted off.  I have to pray and ask God for clarification.

I'm not looking a gift horse in the face, so I'm thanking God for giving me this peace and helping me to heal and get to this place.  Our God is an awesome God!  Even though there are times that appear so sad and lonely and you feel as if you can't see God, He is there.  God is there comforting you, drying your tears, trying to give you that peace you so desparately want/need.  Trust me, from one who's been there...Faith can do wondrous things to help you heal and feel at peace with the world you are in.  Prayer is truly the answer.

I'm doing laundry currently, now that breakfast is done, and I am going upstairs to exercise soon.  I feel that exercise and eating healthy also helps my attitude/outlook on life.  These two things are truly something only I can control.  I remember points recently where I was just in a spiral and couldn't tell which way was up, so I went and exercised.  I told myself that "I'm going to do the one thing that I can control right now."  And it's that first step that helps you to regain control of everything else in your life.

So, go...find the one thing in life you can control.  Tackle what you can control and things that you can't will seem that much smaller.  I promise.  May you have a wonderful day and God Bless you always.

~CV

Ash Wednesday Revisited

The last thing I intend to do with these posts is to document what I do down to the minute.  I know this could be found as very tedious and boring.  What I want to try to capture in these daily entries is a sense of what I have encountered as well as what I have been revisiting, so to speak...

Monsignor was late to start Mass, so our Deacon helped get the Mass started with the Monsignor arriving right before the Blessing of the Ashes.  The Deacon read the wrong first reading, from Jonah as opposed to Joel.  The main singer in the choir was a little flat for the entire service.  My grandmother was next to me muttering about the Monsignor always being late and how could the Deacon possibly get the wrong reading that didn't go along with our Missal!  The Nerve!  LOL!  :D

Needless to say, it was a patience trying morning.  But...how would you feel if all of this were happening to you?  Would you want someone to be impatient if you were running behind?  What if you were having an off singing morning or got the first reading wrong?  What we must think of is...how should we respond in situations where we want to be upset.  How would God want us to respond?

I know, if I made those "mistakes," I would first and foremost be mortified that I had embarrassed myself in front of so many of my peers.  I would be concerned about being judged.  But who are we to judge?  The only Being that should be judging is God, not a human being.  Therefore, we should show our peers that it is okay if you have a rough morning.  You still love them anyway.  You will support them, always, no matter what happens.  Everything will be as God intended it.  I believe this is only a fraction of what God would want us to do.

I went to 7 AM Mass and received a beautiful cross of ashes on my forehead.  I had an artistic member of our congregation, and my cross didn't look like a smudge but rather the cross it was supposed to look like!  Fabulous!  :D I still have these ashes on my forehead, even as I type.  Then, my grandma took me to a Tex-Mex place for our favorite breakfast tacos, only two tacos, though, and a carton of milk to help me survive my day of fasting and 8 hour shift at work.  :)

Let me stop for a second and explain fasting...I can have one full meal and two smaller meals that cannot equal one other full meal.  I do not consider two small breakfast tacos as a meal; I did not snack today; I did not overindulge with my one main meal (Veggie Burrito and Iced Tea); and did I mention no meat?  This is an effort to help bring me closer to God and help pay penance for the sins I have committed this past year.  I use my hunger pangs as a means to focus my thoughts on the Creator that has deemed me worthy to have life on this planet!  If anyone can help me further explain fasting, I would be greatly appreciative.  I may look this up later, as I have always participated in fasting and abstinence, but I cannot easily explain why I do what I do with some of these religious traditions.

Anyway, thank God the day went by fast!  :D  God granted me peace and strength, and I went 8 hours without anything to eat and not feeling hungry at all!  :D  The next hour was a sure challenge, as I was starving, and I knew my mood was changing due to being so hungry.  I was tired due to the lack of food, and I wasn't feeling like myself.  I took every moment I could during that hour to focus on giving it to God.  I found myself frequently turning to prayer, which was one of the goals of the day, what should be a goal of everyday life.

God is the reason we are on this planet, and God gave us life.  We should be spending our days in prayer, not only in prayers of help.  We should be praying prayers of thanksgiving and praise.  Prayers for others, moreso than prayers for ourselves.  God should always be first and foremost on our minds, and I am finally realizing this. 

Does this make me want to give up my dreams of wanting to bet married and have a family to become a nun?  No.  I don't feel that calling.  I just feel full of faith and love for God, especially while waiting for that one man that God has for me.

One last thing before I turn in for the night.  :)  I think I have finally made a true friend.  A girl that I could hang out with, hit the town with, and really bond with.  We always have a great conversation and our relationship histories are similar, with hers ending about a year after mine.  I have survived, so I know that she will be able to do the same, with love and support.  We shall see how this friendship develops.  :D  I was a military brat, and I never really had problems making friends in school. 

I had a major reality check when I got to my new city and realized that it is way harder to make friends as an adult, and you don't see/meet friend quality people very often.  It's a frustrating process that leaves you asking God why most of the time.  It seems that God doesn't answer, but He is always listening.  God is with you, holding you and comforting you, even during the darkest times when you don't feel like He is there.  God is with you, always.  Never forget that.

Off to bed for me...I have a closing shift tomorrow and then I get to go to my cousin's wedding on Saturday and see family I haven't seen in years!  YAY!  :D  Have a great night all, and I cannot wait to blog again tomorrow.  God Bless you.

~CV

Introduction

Today is Ash Wednesday.  The first day of a Lenten Journey leading up to Easter, and the resurrection of Jesus Christ.  I wanted to add a blog as part of my Journey to help document my daily thoughts, realizations, happenings, and doings.  I wanted to have a record of everything that has been going on in my life, in order to help bring me closer to our Heavenly Father.  And yes...I made this visible to all of the world wide internet.  Why?  Good question.  Hopefully I find a reason as to why I made this public as opposed to just journaling it away in a private book.

I decided that I needed an outlet for me to be able to document and talk about everything that has been happening in my life in the past few years, since I graduated from college.  I want to try to log these memories while establishing myself in a new city for the first time as an adult.  This could get interesting, let me tell you.  So...where to begin...

Ash Wednesday...the first of many days leading to Easter to prepare us for Jesus' rising from the dead.  It is a time that we reflect on everything that has happened in the past year...how we have grown, how we have faltered, and how we have stayed the same.  I can honestly tell you that not much of me has stayed the same within this past year.  There has been a lot of growing and changing, and all for the better, in my opinion.

As part of my Lenten journey, I have given up Facebook.  *GASP*  How can anyone give up Facebook?  Not that!!  Yes...that.  I have decided to quit cold turkey for the entire time that we are celebrating Lent.  I refuse to log into Facebook.  I refuse to chat on Facebook.  I refuse to update my profile on Facebook.  You may ask, what about your friends' profiles?  Don't you want to know what's going on in their lives???

I love my friends dearly, and, if it is something really important, then they know they can freely call me, text me, or email me outside of Facebook.  I'm just tired of feeling like a Facebook stalker and showing how much I care to my friends, while at times it doesn't seem like they really show reciprocity.  I sometimes get jealous as to how they are only paying attention to their closest friends and don't really seem to care about what is happening in my life.  At least, that's the way it seems.

I'm tired of the pettiness associated with Facebook.  I'm tired of these feelings that aren't really me.  I want to find me again, and for the first time in the past year, I am finally feeling at peace with the world again.  And it has taken awhile to get here.  But I think that's a story for another time.  So...Ash Wednesday...

Everything I have given up this Lent or tried to do, both for myself and for God, is to help strengthen my relationship with God and hopefully help me to hear His voice a little clearer.  I am finally feeling stability coming, and it is a much needed, welcomed, stability to my life.  :)

I am working on growing as a human being and trying to be the best person that God would want me to be this Lent.  I am trying to locate the person that I was before everything these past two years happened.  I feel closer to God already.  I cannot wait to see what God has in store for me by the end of this journey.  And lucky you...you get to be around for the entire rollercoasters.  All the ups and downs and loops and spins...hang on tight.  It'll be one heck of a ride.  :) 

~CV