The last thing I intend to do with these posts is to document what I do down to the minute. I know this could be found as very tedious and boring. What I want to try to capture in these daily entries is a sense of what I have encountered as well as what I have been revisiting, so to speak...
Monsignor was late to start Mass, so our Deacon helped get the Mass started with the Monsignor arriving right before the Blessing of the Ashes. The Deacon read the wrong first reading, from Jonah as opposed to Joel. The main singer in the choir was a little flat for the entire service. My grandmother was next to me muttering about the Monsignor always being late and how could the Deacon possibly get the wrong reading that didn't go along with our Missal! The Nerve! LOL! :D
Needless to say, it was a patience trying morning. But...how would you feel if all of this were happening to you? Would you want someone to be impatient if you were running behind? What if you were having an off singing morning or got the first reading wrong? What we must think of is...how should we respond in situations where we want to be upset. How would God want us to respond?
I know, if I made those "mistakes," I would first and foremost be mortified that I had embarrassed myself in front of so many of my peers. I would be concerned about being judged. But who are we to judge? The only Being that should be judging is God, not a human being. Therefore, we should show our peers that it is okay if you have a rough morning. You still love them anyway. You will support them, always, no matter what happens. Everything will be as God intended it. I believe this is only a fraction of what God would want us to do.
I went to 7 AM Mass and received a beautiful cross of ashes on my forehead. I had an artistic member of our congregation, and my cross didn't look like a smudge but rather the cross it was supposed to look like! Fabulous! :D I still have these ashes on my forehead, even as I type. Then, my grandma took me to a Tex-Mex place for our favorite breakfast tacos, only two tacos, though, and a carton of milk to help me survive my day of fasting and 8 hour shift at work. :)
Let me stop for a second and explain fasting...I can have one full meal and two smaller meals that cannot equal one other full meal. I do not consider two small breakfast tacos as a meal; I did not snack today; I did not overindulge with my one main meal (Veggie Burrito and Iced Tea); and did I mention no meat? This is an effort to help bring me closer to God and help pay penance for the sins I have committed this past year. I use my hunger pangs as a means to focus my thoughts on the Creator that has deemed me worthy to have life on this planet! If anyone can help me further explain fasting, I would be greatly appreciative. I may look this up later, as I have always participated in fasting and abstinence, but I cannot easily explain why I do what I do with some of these religious traditions.
Anyway, thank God the day went by fast! :D God granted me peace and strength, and I went 8 hours without anything to eat and not feeling hungry at all! :D The next hour was a sure challenge, as I was starving, and I knew my mood was changing due to being so hungry. I was tired due to the lack of food, and I wasn't feeling like myself. I took every moment I could during that hour to focus on giving it to God. I found myself frequently turning to prayer, which was one of the goals of the day, what should be a goal of everyday life.
God is the reason we are on this planet, and God gave us life. We should be spending our days in prayer, not only in prayers of help. We should be praying prayers of thanksgiving and praise. Prayers for others, moreso than prayers for ourselves. God should always be first and foremost on our minds, and I am finally realizing this.
Does this make me want to give up my dreams of wanting to bet married and have a family to become a nun? No. I don't feel that calling. I just feel full of faith and love for God, especially while waiting for that one man that God has for me.
One last thing before I turn in for the night. :) I think I have finally made a true friend. A girl that I could hang out with, hit the town with, and really bond with. We always have a great conversation and our relationship histories are similar, with hers ending about a year after mine. I have survived, so I know that she will be able to do the same, with love and support. We shall see how this friendship develops. :D I was a military brat, and I never really had problems making friends in school.
I had a major reality check when I got to my new city and realized that it is way harder to make friends as an adult, and you don't see/meet friend quality people very often. It's a frustrating process that leaves you asking God why most of the time. It seems that God doesn't answer, but He is always listening. God is with you, holding you and comforting you, even during the darkest times when you don't feel like He is there. God is with you, always. Never forget that.
Off to bed for me...I have a closing shift tomorrow and then I get to go to my cousin's wedding on Saturday and see family I haven't seen in years! YAY! :D Have a great night all, and I cannot wait to blog again tomorrow. God Bless you.
~CV
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